Can You Protect Yourself From The Most Annoying Song In The World?

Think of it as a virus, but you’re not a carrier.  Your radio is.  And there is no cure.

The Most Annoying Song In The World was released in Canada in September of 2011.   Nobody paid any attention until fellow Canuck Justin Bieber tweeted about it.  Then she got signed to an American label and the song was released again on February 14 of 2012.  Since then, the Most Annoying Song In The World has swept the globe and is already one of the biggest hits of 2012, reaching number one in Australia, Czech Republic, Denmark, Finland, Hungary, Ireland, New Zealand, Scotland, Switzerland, the United Kingdom and the United States.  In four months its taken over the western world.  That’s a better success rate than AIDs.  I just heard it yesterday.  And I fucking hate it.

On first listen, Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe is pretty much musical wallpaper.  Some half-decent looking youngish white chick singing about playing coy with a boy, which is the DNA of half of mainstream radio.  You’ve heard a billion songs like it, you’ll hear a billion more before you die.  The problem is, you might die humming this one.  Because YOU CAN’T GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

Its sort of useless to wonder WHY.  The article Anatomy Of A Hit breaks down a few characteristics of a pop song:  it’s simple, it’s short (most hits clock in at under 3:30, Annoying Song is 3:20), its got a hook, etc.  But the essence of a true pop hit is more than just assembling a few traits.  Its much more, or in this case, less.  You remember “Don’t Worry Be Happy”?  That song at least had beat boxing as a gimmick.  Or Timberlake’s “Sexy Back”? That was silly, stupid, and probably got quite a few shitty dancers laid.  But once you heard it, you couldn’t forget it.  Call Me Maybe has no such gimmick, it’s not clever, her voice isn’t anything special and yet, I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD.

So no, you can’t protect yourself from The Most Annoying Song In The World.  Our brains are just wired that way.  Its the nature of the beast.  What you can do is make it more interesting by substituting the lame ass original lyrics with something not as cheesy.  I offer these examples as the chorus, instead.

When I bite you
I make you crazy
9-1-1’s the number
Call me Rabies

(sing this one like a pirate)

When I board you
I’ll rape your lady
I’m a pirate
Call me Matey

I’ll shoot you
then act real shady
I’m an evil fuck
Call me Dick Cheney

Do you have any good replacement lyrics?  Please share in COMMENTS below.


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